Blue and Pink Tennis Shoes

I ran when I was a flower-picking princess.

I ran around the backyard with my neighbors Denise and Priscilla -- we played Simon Says, Red Light Green Light, and, of course, Freeze-Tag. Running was a part of my little girl existence. I wasn't me if I didn't have hair in my face and grass stains on my shorts. Skinned knees? Oh yeah, that was me. Mom kept the hydrogen-peroxide handy for the times I would run in the house with waterfalls in my eyes.

I ran when I saw my cousin Stephanie.

In elementary school I ran as fast as I could to catch Nick Landa and his friends. I was the tough one out of the girls. I called myself a bully, but I really wasn't, I just liked to think of myself as a protector.

When the 8th grade Beach Bash came around, I ran to get rid of my tummy. I ran in the alley behind some houses in my neighborhood because I didn't want people to see me. I panted after the first few minutes because I wasn't an athlete -- I played flute and wore high heels. When Beach Bash came around I still had my tummy.

I ran as a dance student. I ran as a soccer player my sophomore year. We did ladders, 3 mile runs. Before every practice we did 6 laps around 3 soccer fields. I ran as defense, kicking girls in their shins because I was frustrated and I could get away with it. I ran into girls just to make them fall. I ran til my throat felt like ice.

I ran for Cancun, our Senior Trip. I ran as a freshman in college on the top floor of the gym, watching boys play basketball in the courts below. I thought about the girl my boyfriend liked, and I wanted to be better. I ran to stop those thoughts. I ran to create a better life. I ran to find happiness.

I stopped running when I didn't find it.

When I didn't run, I thought about running. I daydreamed about running. My mind began to run.

Now, I run in my dreams. I run to beat time. I run from big sweaty men, and sometimes I run from small ones with red hair. I run to leave. I run to forget.

I ran tonight. The night was humid. In some areas, it smelled. I didn't look at the sky or the moon. My thoughts were too tangled. I ran by the sex offender's house down the street. I ran by my elementary enemy's house. I ran by two dirty teenage boys.

I think I'm going to run again.