Contrary to what my blog posts have been focusing on, I've been dealing with way more than heat and a lack of adequate sustenance. Lately I've been feeling like I was wiser at 17 than I am now at 22. In certain respects of course. I wonder if it's really possible to regress that extremely? The world can do so much to you-- bring out those insecurities that never manifested as a child because you were told the sky was the limit.
I was a really good dater at 17. I knew how to summon the siren within and could precisely calculate how much and what type of charm to smear on my victim. And, that's what these people were: victims, victims of my whim.
Then there came a point where I became the victim. I switched to some type of moral romantic philosophy where true love was real and if I was genuine enough with guys, then the right one would find me-- like I was some type of honorable magnet. Whatever. Of course that never happened, and I just attracted douchebags, and fell for all sorts of obvious Casanovas. This was coupled with my extreme affection for sad love songs and cigarettes.
Dating, love and romance are games. Growing into an adult, I failed to realize that the game would never change; you have to be selective about what cards you deal. Chance is not your friend in the realm of "love." I don't have endless experience, but I'd like to think I learn from my mistakes. It's time to stop falling for the glamour and retreat to an earlier command of knowledge.
New York City has the promise of everything I wished to have in a love partner: the poetry, the creativity, the do-gooders, the socially aware, the street cred and the skinny nerds with big personalities. But I came here on my terms, and that's where I'll stay.
2 comments:
hahahaha!!! oh babs, we all fall for a loser in the beginning. you have been in nyc for a month- the beginning of your life journey. the laws of the cosmos insist that we, as humans, are bound to meet an other and find out he wasnt "mister right". (loved the diagram of the siren within turning 22 btw) just stay true to yourself. let yourself live! FEEL! and make mistakes- who cares. as long as your safe and happy- do the things YOU want to do. thats what your friends and family care about. my advice: figure out what it really means and feels like to live in the moment. when you have accomplished this: you have succeeded in life- no matter the school we go to, salaries, companies to work for, or the people you know. this is the true test of ourselves. live the dream. day in. day out.
ggaaahhh!
i made a comment earlier and now it's not there
and my secret word was cool too!
boils down to
i like this voice - you got most of it down - you're not completely free because you know you have an audience - but i don't need to hear the rest because i don't worry about you as much as you worry about yourself
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